Difficult Things...

I just finished making mustard. It's a time consuming chore and it's super messy. Little sploots and plops of mustard get everywhere as it boils down to the consistency it needs to be. It takes about 45 minutes of standing and stirring a hot bubbling cauldron of potential burn or stain spots. Then another 10 to 15 minutes of cleaning the kitchen. Knowing full well that I will miss a spot someplace and just hoping it's not on the grout or someplace else it will stain.

But commercially prepared mustard is usually made with paprika. Paprika is a nightshade. I'm allergic to nightshades. But I love mustard. So homemade mustard it is.

Today was a physical therapy day. PT is great for gold star chasers on one hand, and terrible for them on the other. Like today one of the things they wanted me to work on was one legged balance. Okay. Easy enough. I mentioned, I think here but I know on Bluesky, that one of the best things I've done over the past year was work on my balance. It made navigating the boot a lot easier. So today my therapist has me stand on one leg, then she got distracted by a question from one of her assistants. And I stood on one leg for 2 minutes instead of the 30 seconds she had planned. "Wow! Your balance is great." So yeah, gold star. "Next time let's try it with your eyes closed."

Fuck me.

See that's the problem with PT. Once you can do the thing they give you to do they make it harder. And I also know that tonight, because today was a PT day, my ankle is going to be killing me. Last week was miserable. But then it was better and I diligently did my homework all week.

If I want to get better I have to rehabilitate the ankle. Even though I don't actually know that this is going to work I have to go through all of the steps to see. It's the only way.

Tomorrow is a National Day of Protest. There are hundreds of different protests going on. Marches at state capitols and speeches in public parks and waving signs at Tesla dealerships. We aren't going to participate because my ankle isn't up to the standing or marching just yet. But if it weren't for that we would be going to the one in downtown Hillsboro.

I'm not sure just yet if they will do much good, but I know that they will do some good. If nothing else it will show other people who are upset about what is happening that they are not alone. Sort of why I write this blog. I want those of you who subscribe to see what someone living in the United States who isn't a MAGAt feels about all of this. And I want you to have something to share with other people when you aren't sure exactly how to put it into words. As long as fuck this shit is a collection of words you want to share.

I am not opposed to going through difficult times or doing difficult things, as long as there is a reason for it. Making mustard I can eat. Rehabbing my ankle so I can walk and jog without pain. Protesting and writing about what is going on to try and move us back to a sane point in time. It's the being forced to go through difficult times for no reason that is hard. Or for reasons you don't agree with. Or won't benefit you. Or will destroy the country you grew up in.

Those difficult things fucking suck.

Right now I'm back to thinking it was a good idea that Brent didn't take the early retirement package because our investments have lost so much value. So much. And this administration with the Dodgey Boys has taken a chainsaw to the social safety net that we were depending on. I was worried about Social Security and Medicare being enough, now I'm worried about it even being around. We are farther away from Brent retiring now than we were last October.

It's difficult times for no good reason.

The these aren't tariffs these are a mob protection racket costs that Trump just levied against everyone are going to make everything more expensive. And it's going to make countries and companies even more beholden to Trump as they have to go to him hat in hand and beg for carve outs. It's classic authoritarian behavior on two fronts, one is that it centers more power around him and the bonus is that it makes the rest of us poorer and so less independent.

Money protects. It always has. And if he can hollow out the masses, then he's got a pool of people totally dependent on the scraps he provides. Please, sir, can I have some more?

We are going to go through even more difficult times for no good end.

But...

That doesn't mean we shouldn't choose the difficult things. That doesn't mean we should hide away and hope it all passes over us. It just means we need to be aware. We need to look for opportunities to make things better, for us, for our neighbors, for our country. Cory Booker stood and spoke in Congress for over 25 hours, without a break to go pee, and made an impassioned plea for all of us to follow John Lewis's lead and make good trouble.

We can choose the difficult things that are worth it. Something to fight against the difficult things that are being forced upon us.

Do what you can. Protest. Write. Speak out to your neighbors and friends and colleagues. Do what you can.

Stay safe.
Take care of yourself.
Take care of each other.
Choose to do the difficult thing before nothing but impossible choices remain.