Disbelief...

fiction

She watched herself in the mirror as she pulled her hair into its familiar twist. She could do it without watching by this point but out of habit more than anything else she did it in front of a mirror. After securing it with a few discreetly placed pins she wet her hands and smoothed the sides of her head catching any small flyaway hairs. She would go over everything with some pomade when she was finished dressing.

She found a pair of simple gold clips to put on her ears. There were those that would roll their eyes at her obvious vanity for wearing them but they were small enough that it would be difficult to say they were an ostentatious show of wealth or beauty. Just a throwback to a different time. She would say they were her grandmothers and nobody would question her. Tradition instead of vanity. And her grandmother's character was unimpeachable.

She sighed as she looked at the small diamond studs that were in the jewelry box. She would never wear them as her ears had not been pierced and even if they had been the diamonds were not appropriate for services. But she couldn't bear to get rid of them. They were one of the few things she had left from her mother. Her mother whose character was most definitely not unimpeachable.

She stepped into the dark blue dress pulling the sleeves over her arms and shoulders. She buttoned the front. She looked in the mirror again. Hair pulled up. Small gold earrings. Dark blue dress with every single button buttoned all the way to her neck. She had a pair of black ballerina flats she would slip on as they left. She couldn't have looked more presentable if she had tried.

Though she was trying. She was trying very hard.

"Go. Go to every service. See and be seen. It's going to be important. It's going to give you the protection that I can't."

She smoothed the pomade over her hair and then waited for her husband to be ready.

She had already moved in with her grandmother by the time they came for her mother. She had renounced her publically a few months earlier, claimed her grandmother as her only relative. Turned her back on everything she had stood for, every idea she had espoused. Literally turned her back on her during the court proceedings to separate herself legally.

"Go. Go to every service. See and be seen."

She picked up her bible and read Psalms 78:8, "They would not be like their ancestors, a stubborn and rebellious generation, whose hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not faithful to him."

It was one of the many verses that had been highlighted for her by her grandmother. A reminder to not be like her mother. She had always wondered what her grandmother thought she was supposed to do with all of the verses about honoring your mother and father? She supposed her grandmother thought of herself as the parent who should be honored.

Her mother was gone, she assumed she was dead. Her father had died during the war. Her grandmother had done what she could with her. A scared teenager who was trying to do her best, to live the life that was expected of her.

She was no longer that teenage girl. Her grandmother had died last year. Peacefully. In her sleep. With apparently no regrets over replacing her daughter with her granddaughter.

"Go. See and be seen."

Her mother had left her a pair of earrings and a strong sense of self preservation.

"Your time will come. Until then you need to live the life that is expected of you. They will watch you closely. Don't think they will ever stop. You need to join. Go. Go to every service. See and be seen. It's going to be important. It's going to give you the protection that I can't. Make note of who is there and who isn't. Learn who you can trust. Slowly. Then take up my mantle and keep fighting."

Colossians 3:20, "Children, obey your parents for this is pleasing to the Lord."

She was trying. She was trying very hard.