Excuse Me...

I was listening to a podcast this morning (How to Do Everything) where someone wanted to learn how to burp. They couldn't burp. Never burped. The most they did was make this kind of gurgle noise.

So it spun off into an exploration on if this was normal, or if this was a problem. They talked to a doctor who let them know that actually it is a problem. That you need to be able to burp. It can lead to a lot of issues starting with uncomfortable bloating and going from there. What they do to treat it is use botox on a muscle in your throat. Relaxing that muscle lets the air flow through and even when the botox wears off most people have regained their ability to burp.

Then the physician said the majority of patients are women in their 20s.

Yep.

When I was in elementary school, first grade, second grade, burping was an art form. Always hilarious. Why are burps so funny and farts so mortifying? Unless it's someone else farting then it can be funny again. But you farting? Oh no...

Anyway...the real deal was being able to talk burp. Words, sometimes short sentences and seeing how far you can go in the alphabet while still burping. Points for volume as well.

Then I changed elementary schools half way through third grade. Whittier was really different than Mitchell. At Mitchell PE was mostly playground games, kick ball, dodgeball, kick and chase soccer, races. If the weather sucked we did dance in the PE Portable. Think the Mexican Hat Dance. Nothing really challenging.

Moving to Whittier the PE teacher handed me the soccer manual and told me the test would be on Friday. We had to learn positions and rules and run drills. Studying for PE? What the hell? A lot of the kids that were on our State Championship Soccer Team were with me at Whittier so I guess it worked.

PE wasn't weather dependent either. When the winter came the mats came out in the cafeteria and we started the gymnastics unit sunny day or gray day we were in the cafeteria doing gymnastics. I was behind. In third grade. I hadn't done forward rolls and they were doing back handsprings. Again, a lot of the kids on the gymnastics team in High School were once Whittier Whippersnappers so the legacy was strong.

PE was serious business.

And, oh yeah, burping was not funny anymore. It was rude. Embarrassing. And definitely for boys anyway. Oh. Well. Okay. So I stopped burp talking. And then I stopped burping. Period. Just didn't do it. (Can you imagine a time in my life where I actually cared what people thought about what I did and didn't do? Yes, there was a time I had fucks to give. And I wasted them on things like burping in public.)

Until Brent and I started dating. I can't remember how it came up, that I didn't burp. And especially didn't burp on command, but he decided we should fix that. And so with a free afternoon and a bunch of coke (soda, not cocaine) we worked on my burping on purpose skills. Muscle memory kicked in and I was soon a pro. And so fucking amused. I'm sorry, burping is still funny. So are fart jokes though so...I mean I'm a classy broad what can I say?

And I'm sure at this point he probably regrets unleashing my burp abilities again. I do say excuse me after I burp, sometimes after, DID YOU HEAR THAT? I mean...excuse me. eyelash flutter

Which all boils down to it didn't surprise me that the majority of people seeking treatment for no burp ability were younger women. Once the discomfort became too much they looked to solve the issue. Which probably only became an issue at some point when they were chastised for not being ladylike and burping in public.

Let the girls burp.

And maybe even teach them to say their ABCs while they do it. That shit is funny.