Final Resolutions...

"Okay, Ms. Jamison is it?"

"Yes." Alice looked at the person sitting across the desk from her. She had never been exactly sure what to expect, but this wasn't it.

"I see here that you left a lot of things unfinished."

"Well, sure, but my exit was unexpected. If I had known, I would have finished up a few things, and probably tidied up my apartment as well."

"Yes, you did leave quite the mess. And if you are worried that people are going to judge you for the dirty dishes in the sink, oh wait I see, by the bed, and in the living room and the bathroom? So dirty dishes all over the house let's call it. If you are worried that people are going to judge you for that don't worry. They absolutely are."

"That's not really comforting."

"It should be. It doesn't make a bit of difference anymore. They can judge you all they want to, those dishes will still have been left behind for them to take care of. But that's not the unfinished business we are here to talk about."

"Again, my departure was unexpected. I would have done things a little differently had I known."

"Would you though? Let's go through the list."

"You have a list?"

"Of course I have a list. What did you think was in this file? This is all part of your permanent record. Let's start with the top. 'Be nicer to Sally' I see that as unfinished. Care to explain?"

"I...what?"

"Okay, no explanation. Next one, 'get all As' that is marked as a partial. Looks like it was 2 As 2 Bs and a C. I wouldn't really call that a partial, but someone must have been feeling generous that day."

"What? I really am not following."

"Alright. How about a recurring one, 'Lose 10 pounds' sometimes this one is just standalone, but sometimes there was even a date, 'by March', 'by summer vacation' but it's a popular one, it makes an appearance almost every year."

"Are these my old New Year's Resolutions?"

"These are incomplete resolutions. You have quite the list of them." With that the bureaucrat sitting across from her tossed the large file on the desk. "Care to explain?"

"They are just resolutions. Everyone makes them, and everyone breaks them."

"Resolution, definition: a firm decision to do or not to do something. Firm decision. It does not seem like you were making firm decisions."

"They are New Year's resolution. New year, new me stuff."

"And yet, you would end the year the same you."

"Sometimes."

"Shall we count the number of items you actually completed? It would be easier I think."

"Nobody completes their resolutions. They are just like... I don't know...wish lists?"

"But you didn't call them wish lists. You called them resolutions. You even started posting them publicly on all of your social media. With, and I'm quoting here, the message 'Help keep me honest, guys, this is the year I make some big changes!' And did they? Did they 'keep you honest?'"

"Nobody actually does that either. Like I would never have told a friend that I was holding them accountable and taking away that piece of cake. It's just something you say. You don't mean it."

"Then why say it?"

"I don't know, because it's something you think you want. At least at the time. I mean sitting on the couch on December 29th thinking about how great it would be to hit the beach with six pack abs sounds wonderful. And it's months away, totally doable. You make your list, you even make a plan and then, well stuff happens and so you stop. Then summer comes and you are back to the beach in last year's swim suit definitely not showing off your new six pack abs. But it's not that big of a deal."

"You made a promise and you broke it, how is that not a big deal?"

"It wasn't a promise. It was an idea. And it was just to me. Nobody else."

"Except," she checked the file, "Sally. You did promise to be nicer to her."

"I'm going to be honest. I don't even remember who Sally was and why I thought I needed to be nicer to her."

"Wow. Okay, so you made these promises every year and then didn't complete them, every year and you don't think it's a big deal because it was just to yourself?"

"Right. And everyone does it."

"Everyone lies to themselves? That's terrible."

"It's not lying. It's more like wishful thinking. We all wish we were a little better that we are. Nicer, thinner, fitter, spoke more languages, meditated more, whatever. We all are, or I guess were, striving to be better all the time. And part of that striving was resolutions."

"Again, though, you were not resolved to make the changes. Making lists is easy. Making change is hard."

"Oh that's good. You should put that on a motivational poster."

"And sell them in January only to have them ignored by February?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I'm going to fill you in on a little secret. Lying to yourself is actually worse than lying to other people. Lying to other people is, pardon my language, really darned awful. But lying to yourself? If you can't even trust yourself? Well that's just misery. If you know that you cannot trust yourself to follow through then you just stop following through. You know, somewhere in your head you know, that you are never going to do the things on your list, but instead of figuring out why and what you really want to do, you just keep lying to yourself about what is important year after year. Until suddenly you are sitting across the desk from me wondering what went wrong."

"Well that would have been good information to have, oh I don't know, 40 years ago."

"Do you think it would have made a difference?"

"Maybe."

"Then let's see."

An alarm started blaring startling Alice and she tumbled out of her chair and into her bed where she woke to the sound of her alarm clock buzzing.

What a crazy dream. She really needed to stop eating right before bed. No food after 7 each night. That was supposed to help you lose weight too right? Okay, no eating after 7. That should help her lose those ten pounds too.

Twenty twenty five was going to be her year, she could feel it!