Honesty...

I haven't written in a couple of days and I have like three ideas for blogs but instead I'm going to write a fairly short one to give you an honesty update.

I feel very down today. Like energy is tanked. No motivation. Absolutely no desire to do anything. And I'm going to lean in to that as soon as I post this update.

This is going to happen to all of us at different times. Adrenal fatigue to use alternative medical terms. Just can't today to put it plainly.

Katie needed to travel for work this week. Flying down to California and back. Her company does it at least once a year. Everyone works remotely so they bring them all in for some all hands meetings and some team building. No big deal.

Before.

But TSA is federal. And according to the president she does not exist anymore. Not as Katie. Not as the gender on her Real ID. I was worried about what would happen. Would they let her travel? Would they harass her? Would they take her ID from her? Would they try and arrest her for fraudulent documents while flying?

All of my energy for the past few weeks has been split. The part of my brain just doing the normal stuff because even as democracy crashes around us and the US becomes a terrifying force for horribleness in the world we still need groceries and a clean house and doctor's appointments and coffee with friends and...life goes on as if it were normal, because it must. But there was the constant drumbeat of this first test of Katie's safety. When she leaves the cocoon of Portland and enters federal airspace. What happens?

This time it was nothing. She got there and back with zero hassels. Precheck came through so no x-ray machine. Nobody looking sideways at her and pulling her out of line. She's home safe. Just in time to be snowed in. So extra cocooning.

But the fear and anger we've lived with since the election had a focal point this week. A solid worry about what might happen. And now I'm exhausted.

But we aren't anywhere close to done with this shit.

So today I'm going to just be quiet. Wrapped up in my own head and not stressing about doing anything else. Sometimes it's going to be like that. And that's okay.

Survive.