I'm Positive...

I've mentioned before that I added a Positive book to my yearly "stuff I do" this year. It was part of my theme for the year (instead of goals, though I mean, I have goals too) I wanted to be the very best version of me that I can be.

I like to be positive. I function better when I'm positive. It's better for me and for the people I want to be there for. I knew going in to this year that it was going to be hard. Harder than we could even imagine and we were imagining a pretty dire future. And I was right. It's been a shitshow of a year for the United States and there is no light at the end of tunnel right now for when it ends. We're just still slogging away. But I can't get mired down in the suckage of it all. We have to live our lives. We have to keep trying to change what is happening. We have to keep positive.

Not like, happy happy joy joy ignore the outrageous things happening, but positive that we are going to make it. Positive that our lives outside of that whole thing are still good. That we love each other. That we understand each other. That we are there for each other. I want to be a shelter in the storm for the people around me. That's my desire. Though sometimes that means I let loose with my righteous anger and blast away.

That can be a form of protection too. It shows that they aren't alone. It shows that other people care about changing this world. It gives them something to show other people if they can't find the words themselves. I know back when I was on the old site and still on Facebook there were times friends would share my blog posts as a SEE! This is what I mean! moment. I don't know if that happens anymore with the new site, but I want the words to be here if they need them.

So anyway, part of my setting up this year I decided to buy this book and read and write about what I read everyday. It's A Year of Positive Thinking: Daily Inspiration, Wisdom, and Courage. Today's post was about owning your weirdness. Being exactly who you are. And it's not the first time that has been the theme. I didn't really have anything to add to it when I did my writing about it. Ended up with one sentence and it almost was See the other 20 times this has been the day.

And I get it, it's an important theme in positivity. It's even something I firmly believe in. You are the best you ever but you are a lousy copy of someone else. Don't try and be anyone else. Years ago a friend of mine wrote to me on my birthday that I was the most committed to being exactly who I am person she'd ever met. Now, you can read that as a diss or as a compliment. Because I am committed to being me, I took it as a compliment. I am me. I actually (usually) really like me. I'd want to be friends with me if I wasn't me. I like when people meet me in person who have only known me through my writing and online persona and are like, You are exactly the same! Well, yes, I am.

But I was really hoping in this book that they could find 365 different things to be positive, wise, and courageous about.

And again, I get it. I practice daily gratitude and at times I've done it publically. And people noticed that I kept going back to some of the same things. But I am grateful for food on the table, a roof over my head, no shoes on my feet, good relationships with my husband and child, and friends who get me. I try not to take those things for granted so they often are what I think about and am grateful for at the end of the day.

But I was hoping for 365 different things.

If it were a booky book instead of an ebook I would be going back right now and finding exactly how many seperate things they were able to find. Not just rephrasing of the same positive message, but distinct things. I'm thinking there aren't that many. Maybe ten themes. Maybe more. But ten feels about right.

Which, okay, I guess, but when I was hoping for 365...

It's part of why school was a challenge for me. I hated the repetition. Learn a new concept on Monday and repeat it all week long until the test on Friday. Start each school year with relearning what you did before summer break. I couldn't stand it. My parents were absolutely right to pull me out of public school and send me to private for middle school, it's just a shame they couldn't figure out a way to keep me engaged in class work through high school. But I did end high school fully engaged so it all worked out. (ba dum tss)

I'll finish the book, because that's who I am. But I'm hoping that I get some new themes to think about. Though I agree, be the best you that you can be. Be fully committed to being you. Own all of the weirdness that makes you, you. Know that when people love you, they love all of those bits the most or they would love someone else. You are great. You are the best you that ever youd.

Trust me, I'm positive.