In a Bow...

Okay, bear with me. I'm going to talk about a few seemingly random things and then I'm going to tie them all up in a neat little bow.

I hope. I mean, I don't know exactly how these things tie together just yet but I'm hoping it comes to me as I write. But the part of my brain that puts things together has put these things together so let's see where it goes, shall we?

This past weekend Brent and I were watching a movie and as one of the characters did something totally badass and also a little psychopathic he glances over at me and says, "She reminds me of you." I smiled and thanked him. It's not the first time a totally psychopathic female character has reminded him of me. And yet, he still sleeps soundly at night.

I used to post on Facebook about how I should get credit for the things I DIDN'T do or DIDN'T say. It's those things, the things I tell Brent to get that credit for not telling others, those are the things that make him see characters like Alice in Luther and nod knowingly.

I also got a piece of fiction from Dana this weekend and there was a line that was so badass, so completely awesome I told her that I wanted to be that character when I grew up. She responded with a well.... Oh! I am that character and I never have to grow up! Awesome! Nevermind that the character is a demon (I think, I'm still figuring everything out as she writes it), nevermind that what she said was off the wall psycho. I'm good with that. And Dana is one of the few people who has seen Bad Denise rising in a moment where things could have gone to shit and was able to protect the innocent. She and Brent are superheroes is what I'm saying.

Working out this morning and the trainer whose program I'm doing on iFit right now likes to talk about consistency. How that's the main key. And it's true. Consistency over time is what brings results. Effort is in there, sure. You can't consistently walk 1 MPH on your treadmill and expect to increase your cardiovascular fitness if that 1 MPH doesn't feel like work. But you don't have to constantly increase effort. It doesn't have to be a work to exhaustion every time. But it does have to be consistent. Five days a week, every week at a moderate pace is going to do you a lot more good than once a month full out.

Be consistent.

My positive book that I've been doing this year has something similar to that as a daily post over and over. Consistently, you could say. Basically, be you. Understand that you as you are is enough. That you are where you are supposed to be right now. That you are on the right path to get where you need to be. Be completely you. Learn your lessons, keep moving forward. All of those things. But everytime it comes up I just think, well yeah.

Years ago on a birthday message my friend Jessica posted that I was the most dedicated to being completely me person she'd ever met. Now you could take that a few ways, right? But me being me I took it as fuck yeah I am. I am me. Nobody can be me other than me. I am the best me in the world. And what a boring place it would be for you all if you were missing your soccer mom next door looking, what the fuck did she just say, friend.

I'm reading the latest Stephen King novel. I like him. Let's start there. I am a huge fan of his work. I've read the majority of it. Bachman books included. But at some point he became big enough, consistently a best seller, that he isn't edited the way he (in my opinion) should be. Like nobody is going to say, "Steve, buddy, this story could shed 100-200 pages and be a better story." They aren't going to tell him that though he loves the details and back story not everyone needs that much of one. There are things that could be skipped. Or truncated. Or just not repeated. But nobody is going to do that. He's too big.

And in this book nobody told him that two black people discussing music and poetry are not going to talk about only white poets and musicians. That's insane. Nobody even said, "I get it, your audience is mostly white, but even they will know who Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou are. Just drop them in your discussion. Kendrick Lamar just won a Pulitzer. Add him." But no. Nobody thought it odd that a young Black woman, poet, in her 20s and an elderly Black woman, soul singer, would talk only about Joan Baez and Bob Dylan.

He needed someone to read his work and give him a really honest take. But he's too big for that. And his sales are too big. And it won't really matter. I mean, I noticed it, and thought, no this is wrong, but I'll still finish the book and read his next one.

And I thought, I want to be that level of famous. Where I have no editor willing to say, change this, change that, this is not great. The level of fame where when Laurell K. Hamilton announced that her long term editor has retired all of us went...hunh...who knew she had an editor? That level.

Then I thought, well you never proofread. You post things where grammar is really just a passing thought. Punctuation use is a preference not a rule. You are that level of famous. You're already there. Just without the book sales and rabid fan base to show for it. So you know, famous attitude without the actual fame.

It's all about knowing who you are and being consistent. The only surprises you are going to get are the times you fall for a twist even though you went into the story fully expecting there to be one. I am a little off kilter in my thinking, but I'm firmly in the do no harm and don't be rude way of living so it stays in my head. Or in the story. Or in the "This motherfucker..." story that Brent has to hear about.

I am fully me. Born to be a badass psycho but raised to be kind to others.

It's an odd balance, but it does balance.

And I'm grateful for all of you indulging that. And evening digging it.

Always be you. Nobody else can be you better than you can and you can't be anyone else with any sort of consistency. Pretending always falls apart.

Consistently you, no editing required.

Put a bow on it.