Me Time...

fiction

The sun wouldn't be up for another hour. If she got out of bed right now she would have at least that hour to herself. Maybe. She would have a shot at it at least. But as soon as the house started to fill with morning light everyone else would wake. Then the day would be off and running.

Breakfast cooking, lunches being made and packed, backpacks and briefcases double checked to make sure they had everything they were supposed to have. At least one pair of shoes would be missing and need to be found before catching the bus, driving to the train station, walking to school.

But right now everyone was asleep. Everyone but her. And she was trying to convince herself to get up and do those things she was supposed to do for herself. Read, write, meditate, workout, have a quiet cup of coffee on the porch and watch the day begin. The self care that every online article screamed that she needed. That she wasn't being selfish for doing. Really, it was foolish not to do it.

As long as she did it at 5 AM when nobody else was awake and might need her.

Her husband stretched and rolled over. Not at all worried about grabbing that hour of me time for himself. He would get up, shower, shave, get dressed, collect the youngest to walk him to school before coming back and heading in to the office himself. The walk to and from school was his morning exercise. And all he seemed to need to keep in shape. Genetics.

She once mentioned that she didn't seem to have any time to herself and he said that she should just schedule it in. That they were all capable of taking care of things if she wanted to go to the gym for an hour, or away to the beach for a girls' weekend. But the times she had tried had been met with chicken pox, food poisoning, and once a basement flood. She said the Universe was telling her not to bother. Her husband said that was nonsense and to try again. But she didn't dare.

Her mother had been a working mother. Not just a working mother, a career woman. When such things were rare. When they were the subject of much hand wringing in magazines. Won't somebody think of the children? She should have been an example to her. Seeing that you could be successful at your chosen career and still be a good mother. But the guilt was stronger than the example. And the times she had missed something important, a play, a science fair, had stood out in her mind. She understood now, but she hadn't as a child. What child would?

Had her mother felt the guilt? The weight of expectations? She hadn't been able to ask her. She had died in a plane crash before her grandchildren were born. A plane crash that happened during a work trip. Which added to the guilt and fear. Would it be safe for her to leave home? To travel like she had before she became a mother? So she turned down the promotion that would have meant more travel and stayed put. Even though it meant staying stagnant at work. And eventually losing out on chances to stretch and do more. Though she enjoyed the routine of what she did. Even if it would never lead to more.

But still, she had it all, children, a job, a loving husband. And an hour every morning where she tried to convince herself to get out of bed and do...something.

She looked at the clock again. If she got up right now she would have a half hour to herself.

Her husband stretched his arm out and rested it on her waist.

She snuggled back into him and took a deep breath, closing her eyes.

Or she could stay right here.

Writing prompt: Set your story before dawn or after midnight. Your character is awake for a specific reason.

Channeling a bit back to when Katie was little. I have never believed that you can have it all as a working parent. Or at least not all at the same time. Something is always falling through the cracks. When I was flying high at work I felt like I was letting my responsibilities at home falter, when I was killing it on the home front I felt like I was falling behind at work.

But when all was said and done, it turned out okay. Katie wasn't an abandoned child even if she didn't get the constant hovering some of her friends got. Brent and I weathered the really difficult years when you have so many things to do and deal with and not enough hours or money to handle them all. When the crossroad came, when Katie was in high school, where I could step up into a bigger role in my "career" and possibly switch agencies or go to work directly for one of my clients, I stepped back instead and changed paths completely. Then stepped off that path as well a few years later.

I never did figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Which I'm pretty sure means I never have to grow up and that suits me just fine.