No Intentions...

I'm flying blind today. Or two thirds blind anyway.

Okay, maybe not.

Normally on the last day of the month I set my intentions for the next month. I know, it sounds sort of self help bookshelf 101 but I still do it. I actually set them in three different places. They are different intentions. Some overlap, but some not.

Like on the end of the month blog I set up a few things upcoming for the next month. Then in my calendar, yes I have a paper calendar, I have tried to not have one and honestly my "real" schedule is on my phone, but I like a paper calendar. Where else would I put my stars? ANYWAY...in my calendar there is an overlap with those things I mention in the blog, some more personal things that are just for me, and some overlap with the things I keep in my positive journal. That's the third place I set intentions.

That daily positive book I mentioned I'm working through this year? So each month I set up a page with some things I'm going to do to hold on to my positive outlook, and then every day I write a little bit about that day's entry in the book. So three places, three sets of intentions.

But yesterday I was busy with some other things and then we decided to watch a movie last night (Thunderbolts*, I have opinions I will probably share in another blog post this week) and didn't end up setting up my September stuff. So today as I was on the treadmill I realized I am unintentional right now. Or sort of. I mean I have my blog framework but not the other stuff. It's not a big deal, but it sort of amused me. Kind of like when Brent would travel for work and suddenly my schedule was blown apart.

What I will go back and add after I finish this blog is the positive framework stuff. What am I going to do this month to maintain who I am in face of... all of this?. I've talked/written before about how personality is formed with pieces. The part you inherit, the part you have no control over and the part you can control. What did you get from you parents? I'm basically a happy person. Both of my parents were happy people. You can drop me into misery and I will eventually find a way to be happy.

Now, I'm not an optimistic person all of the time. Sometimes I am. Right now, for instance I'm not. I thought for years that I was. I'd tell people, I'm basically optimistic. But what I've realized over the past decade is that I'm not optimistic, I'm happy. Those two things seem the same but they aren't.

For instance, I do not think we will see another free and fair election. I have a lot of friends who really think the midterms are going to turn things around. I think the Harris vote was our last chance and we blew it. I'd love to be wrong. I just don't think I am. But that lack of optimism, that disgust with the way the country I live in is turning, doesn't translate to me not being happy. Mainly because I work at it.

That's the other piece of personality. My baseline is happy but I also work really hard to hold on to it. I do things that I enjoy. I cultivate the relationships I have with my husband and daughter to make sure they are solid and that they feel safe and protected. Which brings me satisfaction. I want to be that for them. I work at finding positive things, or things to be grateful for. Because there is that piece of personality that is determined by the things I have no control over, and right now that piece is horrific.

So I set my intentions. I am purposeful in keeping a positive mindset. In finding joy. Because I don't want to live an unintended life. I want it to be intentional.

Even if my intentions are to laugh more than I cry.

Which seems simple, but sometimes, especially these days, it's a little more challenging than it used to be.

Good thing I always love a new challenge.

Off to set some intentions!