Oh My Brain...

I've been having trouble sleeping this week. I'm not sure if it's pre vacation brain or the fact that I told Brent that I don't have much problem with insomnia anymore I'll show her brain or have you forgotten about the horrors brain...

Any way I've been waking up between 3:30 and 4 am and struggling to get back to sleep. It's interesting to look at my sleep report from Oura and see it try to positive spin it. That's the ring's thing, positive spin. Nothing is terrible, everything is okay to great, and even if it's terrible that's okay it's temporary. Which, right now I'm liking. In a year or so it might make me crazy enough to throw the ring against a wall and scream POSITIVE SPIN THAT!

But for now, it's nice to get a reminder that everything passes and just ride the wave.

I'm sort of leaning toward pre vacation brain. It's a throwback to when I had a job. That week before vacation was always so stressful. Trying to get things at a point where they would self sustain for a week or so always seemed like a lot of extra work. And then the crush when you got back and finding all of the things that didn't self sustain or popped up brand new that were left for "when Denise gets back she'll handle it." Now there really isn't anything that can't ride in my life for a week. But...

I make a list for Katie everytime we leave. Technically the list is on my computer and I just update anything that needs changed. But, anyway, it's a list of things that have to be done. Which food the cats eat when, where the litter bags and boxes are, how to work the lights, those sorts of things. It's a full page long.

And it could be so much worse.

There is a part of me that would like to leave super specific instructions. Tig wants X, Y and Z. Tux will only L, M, N. Do this, then do that. When you cook, the cleaning rags are in the hall closet and it's best if you clean up right away. But even when Katie was little and I would tell her exactly how I wanted something done I could see the words leaving her head as soon as they entered. Just a pleasant hum of my voice soothing her daydream. And honestly it was all fine in the end.

If I could go back I'd be a lot less uptight about specifics on how things were done and be a lot more gracious about if they would just get done. But that's age and experience and hindsight and learning about her ADHD and my ADD and how those things dovetail and also clash against each other. We have kids when we are young enough to keep up with them, but it's not until we are older that we relax enough to do a good job with them. Probably why people really enjoy being grandparents.

But I've got the list for Katie done. I've got a list of things I need to get done before we go going as well. The hummingbird feeders need to be cleaned, the litter boxes need to be turned over, there is a little bit of grocery shopping for the girls I need to finish up, I need to finish tidying up the house for them, I need to go by the bank and pick up some cash, I need to charge my book and my headset, I need to actually figure out what I'm packing. I'd also like to get a little work in the garden started and there is a lot of sports that I want to watch over the next couple of days. It sounds like a lot but it's not really. And honestly, it's okay if I don't get all of it done. But I'm still in that mode right now of OH NO! GET IT ALL DONE!

Which the ring is telling me: "Your body has experience some stress today, but you've been active and your resilience is high. Just keep striving for balance – you're doing great." See what I mean? It's always super positive.

Which is lovely.

But now I need to get back to doing a few things before I go run errands and then do some more things and then start pizza dough and.....

It's fine. Monday morning I will wake up in Hawaii and be striving for balance and doing great.