Pale Imitation of Tan...

The backs of my hands are peeling.

Before we left for Hawaii Katie said something about coming back tanned and refreshed. I told her that if I do it right it would just be refreshed.

When Brent and I were walking to dinner Monday night he asked if I was going to try to not get any color at all. I told him that was the plan but that the boat almost always thwarted me.

And it did again. But I almost made it. And since I almost made it I have the most ridiculous tan lines ever seen.

When I was a kid I tried and tried and tried to tan. It was the 80s. A "healthy" tan was the summer goal. You started laying out in the early spring when it was still a bit too chilly to do it comfortably, but you did it anyway.

It was such a thing that my best friend would lay out with me. She was Black. Yeah, ridiculous. But she also had either what she assumed was Mediterranean or Native American in her, she didn't know which, that come out as a golden glow underneath her natural color when she tanned. So she tanned with me. And of course took about 10 minutes to get that glow, while I got a glow of my own in a about a half hour. Red is a glow right?

And aside from her, the majority of my friends were either Native American or Spanish or Mexican or some blending of the three so almost everyone else but me was gorgeously brown. A color I was never going to obtain no matter how much I tried, and no matter than it's my father's natural summer coloring. Though the funny thing is that those of us who weren't naturally brown all seemed to be unnaturally pale. Except Brent, he could tan when he was younger. But for the most part it was you were either born with it or you weren't.

No matter how much you stubbornly tried.

I've had more than one blistering sunburn. Because of that, in my adult years I've had more than one piece of my epidermis removed because it didn't look right to my dermatologist. One piece on my upper stomach that took a few expanding cuts before the edges came back clear of precancerous cells.

My mother tried her best. In the time before it was super common she was a sunblock fiend. Tried to get us all to wear it all the time. Said we'd appreciate it as we aged. But I mentioned that tans were still seen as healthy right? So I'd lay out with oil not block. I'd use the self tanner to try and get brown but usually ended up a bit orange. I even did a tanning booth when we lived in Idaho right before we were transferred to San Diego. I wanted to be tan to start my life in Southern California. Instead I broke out in a heat rash.

I did end up with what was a dark tan for me when we lived in San Diego. I was outside as much as possible. In the ocean, by the pool at the various apartment complexes we and our friends lived in. That dark tan was sort of a golden beige. Enough that I can see it in pictures, but if you didn't know that I am basically transparent you'd never be able to tell.

I don't try and tan anymore. I actively try not to get sunburned. It doesn't always work. Usually what gets me is getting stuck outside somewhere unexpected. Or having sunblock that doesn't. Or one trip to Hawaii a sunscreen that gave us shade, but didn't actually block the burning rays so we thought we were protected and instead we both got pretty burnt.

This time it was forgetfulness. I was wearing my snorkeling swimsuit. Which is a swimsuit, covered by swim pants and a long sleeve swim top. On top of that I had my giant floppy hat and my sunglasses. I had sunblock on my face and my neck. But...on the boat the wind was whipping and I didn't notice it unzipped my top a little so my upper chest (on one side mind you) was exposed with no sunblock. It got a little pink and that has faded to a slight beige. Again. On one side.

I also didn't think about my feet or the back of my hands, the forgetfulness part. So I got a little circle of burn on the tops of my feet and the backs of my hands. Not even the whole foot or hand, just a little boop of red. Which, as I mentioned my hands are now peeling so the light beige that is being revealed is what I will have for the summer.

Ridiculous.

I'd like to say it's the first time I've burned the tops of my feet but that would be a lie. I'm usually pretty good at remembering to get them covered BECAUSE I've burned them before. But this time with not putting any block on my legs I didn't think about them. And for some reason I didn't rub the sunblock into the backs of my hands like I usually do either. Just the palms, which did not burn so that's good at least.

Years and years ago I would look at my pale face and think I'd failed vacation. Now I look at my peeling hands and wish I had put on just a little more block.

It took awhile, Mom, but you were right. I should have listened to you when I was younger and made peace with the porcelain. Better late than never.

Now off to exfoliate and moisturize. Again.