Perspective

“Oh, I love this song! Have you heard it? Great lyrics.”

“Maybe. It’s all about perspective isn’t it?”

“What?”

“If lyrics are great. It’s all perspective.”

“Not following.”

“Okay, so…there's this old song that my dad used to sing and love by George Jones. ‘He Stopped Loving Her Today.’”

“Oh right, I know that one. It’s a classic. Such a sad song.”

“Right? And I always thought it was so romantic. Because my dad used to sing it, I thought that it was about a man who had outlived his wife and the day he died was the day he stopped loving her. But when I heard it as an adult I listened to the first verse. Really listened. And it’s about a man whose wife, or girlfriend, left him and he never moved on. It’s still a sad song but for a completely different reason.”

“Okay…but it’s still a great song with great lyrics.”

“Sort of. I mean, it’s still a sad song but instead of being a great romantic song, it’s actually a song about an obsessive loser who never moved on from a failed relationship. The song didn’t change, just my perspective. I don’t think I’d like it now if I hadn’t always thought of it as being a song my dad felt about my mom and what would happen if she died first.”

“Okay, wait, but isn’t it still romantic that even though they are broken up he stills loves her?”

“It’s pathetic. I’m sorry but holding on to someone who doesn’t want you isn’t romantic it’s delusional. It’s a sign that you are a coward actually.”

“A coward?”

“Yeah, a coward. You feel better hiding in an old relationship instead of trying to find someone new. You are scared to try again because you got hurt right? So instead of moving on you say ‘oh I still love them and cannot possibly try again’”

“But maybe they do still love them.”

“How do you love someone who leaves you?”

“Easy. You can’t change how you feel about someone just because they don’t feel that way about you.”

“Oh yes you can. Or at least you should. I mean isn’t one of the reasons why you love someone due to how they make you feel about yourself?”

“Maybe, but it’s mostly about how you feel about them.”

“But how can you feel love toward someone who makes you feel like less than? And isn’t that what you feel like if you love someone, and they don’t reciprocate? Like what is wrong with me that they don’t love me?”

“I don’t think so. I think sometimes you just love them and are happy to be around them however much they can give you. Or if they can’t give you anything then you just love them from afar.”

“Oh, that is sad.”

“It’s not sad! It’s just the way it works sometimes. Are you telling me if Allison were to come home today and tell you she didn’t love you anymore you’d stop loving her?”

“Yeah. I mean, not right away, but yeah. I’d move on. I might always have good feelings about our time together, but probably not even that. I mean if she came home and just told me that she didn’t love me anymore it would for sure color the way I looked at everything we’ve been through together. I’d wonder when she stopped loving me, if she ever loved me, if she had been lying to me. And then I’d move the fuck on.”

“That seems sad to me.”

“That I love myself enough not to wallow in memories of an old relationship? That I have enough self-worth to not waste my time pining for someone who does not love me?”

“Well…maybe. I mean, I guess?”

“You have to love yourself more than that. I mean it. Part of what Allison loves about me is that I’m a complete person with or without her. She doesn’t make me whole. She gets a whole me. And I love that she’s also a complete person who doesn’t need me to patch her up. She’s great. And she makes me feel great about myself and about us together.”

“So have you never loved someone who didn’t love you back?”

“No. I’ve been attracted to people who didn’t reciprocate for sure. And I dated a few people that I thought we were going to be more than we ended up being. But love, for me, is a two-way street. Or at least romantic love, I mean, that’s what we are talking about here right?”

“Sure. Romantic love. But are you saying that you can love someone non-romantically that doesn’t love you?”

“Oh sure, easy. I mean I hate people I’ve never met so why can’t I love them too? But I don’t view that as needing reciprocity. That is a general love your fellow humans love, not a romantic you and me against the world love.”

“Okay…”

“But anyway…yeah, the song is good, but I don’t know if I’ll feel the same way in ten years.”

“What song?”

“The song you asked me about.”

“Oh hell…I’d forgotten how we got here!”