Present Tense...

Sunday morning we were going to get up and go out to breakfast then go to the grocery store. I've talked before about how much I hate going to the grocery store. And, yes, I know hate is such a strong word. I hate it. And I hate meal planning. And I'm not terribly fond of cooking either.

But I really hate being hungry.

So one of the ways we work around it is by going together. Then at least I have company during the hated trip to the store. Meal planning is still basically all me which means Brent has to eat the same 6 things over and over again because Eh...

Sunday morning rolled around and I woke up with an ice pick shoved through the side of my head. I never could see it to remove it, but I could sure feel it. So I said, "Future me is going to hate this call but I don't want to go out." Brent agreed that future me was going to be pissed. But sometimes you have to piss off future you. Most of the time you don't realize that's what you are going to do so at least I had that part going for me.

It ended up that after some coffee and Tylenol the ice pick shrunk down to a small handful of needles and I figured I could handle the trip to the store without screaming at anyone. Brent was like are you sure? And I said I felt well enough that the thought of doing it the next day on my own was much worse than doing it with a slight headache. Even though by that time neither Brent nor I had any urge to go out, we went anyway. I did future me a solid.

Yesterday afternoon while I was doing laundry I thought, "thank you, past me, for going to the store. I would have been so pissed to still have to go do that today."

I am terrible about making decisions in the present that affect the future in unrealistic ways. I think a lot of us are. Right now I know that future me would like to be lighter. I know that future me would feel better in her skin if she was. I know that future me is counting on being thinner.

But I did mention that I hate being hungry right?

I get seriously hangry.

And I hate being told no. Even if it's my own damn self saying it. But I'm trying. And it's making me angry as expected. But right now I'm really holding on to future me being so happy that I am not eating all of the cookies. Literally, I put a bunch of cookies in the freezer on Monday morning because I'm back to not eating sweets during the week. So don't eat all of the cookies. Don't just grab a handful of crackers in the middle of the day. Make friends with going to bed a little hungry. All of that so I can try and get my aging body to let go of some weight.

Which it does not want to do. At all.

I had such high hopes for miraculous weight loss once I got my thyroid squared away. Thwarted.

But I know that future me will be happy if I can do it. Way in the future me. Tomorrow afternoon future me will not be amused. She will be hungry.

Just like present me is today.

And she will also be mad that she has no vices left to blow of steam during this administration. No drinking, no over indulging in sweets and comfort foods. Just lifting heavier weights and writing her congresspeople. Whoopie.

Present me is a little on edge.

And now you know why I titled the blog the way I did.