Raise Your Glass...

I stopped drinking in July of 2023. It started as an experiment of sorts. I had gotten my hot flashes and night sweats pretty much under control except when I would have a drink. Any sort of drink, a cider, a mixed cocktail, it didn't matter I was in for a night of night sweats. And a headache in the morning. Not quite a hangover, but not feeling my best for sure.

And when I say a drink I literally mean A drink. Just one. I'm not a big drinker ever. Even when I am drinking it's generally one. Unless we are on vacation and I might have more than one in a day. But even then the most is 3. Spread out from noon to bedtime. So not a big drinker.

So night sweats are no bueno and the headache is a literal pain. Also no matter how much or what type of alcohol you drink your body breaks it down to acetaldehyde, which is a poison. Basically it's poisoning yourself with tasty beverages. Now, to be fair, your body breaks that poison down into non poisonous byproducts fairly quickly, but still, first step in metabolizing the drink is poison.

There is a big part of me that logically thinks it's insane to poison myself. And add to that the night sweats and headache and the fact that I didn't drink much anyway and quitting drinking was pretty easy.

I haven't really missed it. I figured out that a lot of times all I really want is something other than water. I want something sweet and fizzy and tasty and different.

But right now I really want to start drinking again. Like daily. What's a little poison when the world is crashing down around us? Why not suffer a night of sweating it out when I'm not going to sleep anyway worrying about what the fuck is happening with Intel? Maybe not a drink but a half dozen. Maybe become a sloppy drunk who becomes a menace to society.

Now, that last part would be tricky, I could pull off sloppy drunk for a week or so, but I have a really high tolerance so as soon as I got over the shock of no alcohol for almost 2 years I'd be back to oh it's going to take more than that to get a buzz let alone get sloppy...

But it sure feels like it's worth a try.

Which is probably why I won't do it. Part of why I'm so tight with my drinking is because I have a family history of addiction. And I started drinking really young. And I drank a lot in high school. Still not sloppy, but often mean. There was a line that would hit somewhere after three drinks that I would go from I really like you to I've always had problems with you and let me list them. The problem was I never knew if that was going to be drink number four or drink number seven. And I really liked drinking. I liked the calming buzz in my head that quelled the anger, right up until it didn't.

I used to say I was a junior alcoholic. Not quite there but on my way. I stopped drinking when we decided to have Katie and went for three years without much more than a sip of champagne at Brent's parent's wedding. Drank enough to vomit the first time I drank again, purely on accident, and so stopped again for another large chunk of years. Drank while I was in advertising because well, advertising, but then stopped again for a couple years after I left. Then started again for a couple years and stopped that again back in 2023. You can see I go in cycles.

I don't have a problem with drinking, except for the hot flashes and the whole it's poison thing. What I mean is it's not an addiction issue. I can take it or leave it. But when I feel like I really want it I generally leave it.

But the current president and his destruction and Intel and theirs is making me think really hard about it.

We will see what I end up deciding.

I'll probably stick with ice cream. Also not good for me, but at least it doesn't give me a headache. Usually. I mean sometimes it does.

Okay, maybe brownies.