Small But So Important...

Let's start with the spoiler warning. If you are watching this season of RuPaul's Drag Race and have not watched Friday's episode you might want to back out now. It's not a huge spoilery spoiler that's coming, but it is something that happened in the show.

You okay going on? I mean it, leave now if you want, come back later if you need to.

Good?

Good.

So Friday's episode was the Drag Family Resemblance makeover episode. And this year it was all parents. Moms and dads of the queens. And just that is lovely. To see parents (especially the dads) supporting their kids who do drag. It's not always been the case. Not at all. Even supporting a gay child hasn't always been the case. And it's still not always the case. There are still stories (on the show and off) of kids getting kicked out when they came out, or not having relationships with their parents because they are gay.

And there is a trans queen on this year. And that is a whole other layer to family dynamics. Well...when they were meeting with Ru to talk about the looks they were going to give their family member to make them part of their drag family Lexi and her mother were talking and Lexi's mom said, "She has always..." and Lexi covered her mouth and gasped and said, "She called me she." It was the first time that her mother had done that. And she did it a few times in the episode. She, her, Lexi. And in her confessional it brought Lexi to tears to talk about it.

This was the first time.

Lexi's been out for a few years. She's a new baby trans, but it's still a few years. And this was the first time her mother had used her correct pronouns.

And I get it, to a point, it's hard to make that switch. Your brain fills in the gap all the time with the wrong ones. Even now it happens every once in awhile. Rarely. Mostly when we are talking about something Katie did when she was younger and my brain fills in the pronoun she used back then. But even that is not common now. But we both (Brent and I) did our best from day one to make sure we used the right ones. And to correct ourselves immediately if we messed up.

The first Christmas after Katie came out we got her a Christmas ornament that is her name in script over and over making a snowflake. We thought it was important because all of those old "Baby's First..." and other personalized ornaments were now wrong. They weren't her anymore. And we wanted to give her something that made her see that we saw her, we were on board with her, and that was her own "Baby's First Christmas" as a baby trans.

She cried. Because it was something she could hold in her hands that showed her that we were there with her.

Much like Lexi crying when her mother called her she.

It's so small but it means so much. It's so important.

It's why it makes me crazy when people intentionally don't do it. When they use the wrong pronouns or wrong name just to be hurtful. There is no reason to be cruel like that. None. Not when it's not that important to you. And it really isn't. If being an asshole is that important there is something wrong with you. It's just virtue signalling to the other assholes and that's just pathetic.

But it's so important to the person to get them right. It's a way of saying I see you. I know you are worthy of respect just because you are here.

Making someone cry when you use their pronouns or their name in the correct way is the only acceptable crying over that. Making them cry because you are an asshole is well...mean.

And that's a small word, but it's what it is. You are just being mean, and an asshole. And you can fuck right off.

Lexi got to hear her mother call her by the right pronouns and it was lovely. And I cried for her too. It's a small thing, but it is so important. I am glad she got that moment and I'm glad we got to share it with her.

(But I'm still team Onya)