So Angry!

I had a dream last night where Brent and I had a fight like we haven't had since we were in our 20s. I was telling him about it this morning and he said, "What have I done that you are really mad about that your subconscious is working through?"

Which is better than what used to be the reaction to a dream where we fought. Not his reaction, but mine. I would wake up furious with him and be mad all day about something he did in a dream. I knew it was irrational too, which would just make me madder.

But this time I woke up from the dream and thought..."Wow we haven't had a fight like that in decades."

Don't get me wrong, we still disagree. But we've worked it out over the years, like I think any long married couple does. We figured out a long long time ago that in most issues there is one partner who really cares about something and one who doesn't care as much. Whoever cares the most about an issue wins and the argument stops before it ever starts. It's not perfect, but it works for us.

And I think the other thing we worked out a long time ago is that we don't like fighting with each other. Which seems really obvious but I think there are people who like it. You see people just sniping at each other back and forth all the time and they have to get some sort of joy out of that or they wouldn't do it. Neither one of us likes to do that.

My personal philosophy is that we shouldn't treat strangers better than we treat the people we love the most. You wouldn't be overtly rude to a stranger. You always say please and thank you to a stranger. You owe your own people the same courtesy. My mother used to say she couldn't abide by rudeness and I've made it a life mantra.

Brent's worldwide philosophy is if people were just kinder to each other and more accepting of differences on the daily we could solve the world's issues. If it doesn't hurt you or anyone else then it's not your business. Just let people do what they want.

I can't abide by rudeness, he can't understand why people need to be rude. It works for us.

As far as what he's done to make me so mad I dream about fighting with him? Nothing. The dream wasn't about him, not really. I know what it is. It's stress and anger with no place to put it and no way to get rid of it. So my subconscious helpfully made up a situation to blow off some steam and stomp and cuss and be super angry overnight. It's the feeling of not being in control and frankly not safe in the world anymore. Politically, financially, physically. It's all roiling in my head all the time. And since he's my safe space my subconscious made a whole dream where he wasn't. Oh gee...thanks.

But I guess as far as it goes dreaming about a big fight is better than having one. I mean, I'd rather that the world wasn't so uncertain right now but if it's going to be a shit show at least I know home is still as calm as it can be and he's not actually tearing apart the closet (the dream) and then getting mad at me about not being ready to go when I couldn't find my clothes because he'd torn up the closet. Can you believe he told me that sounded like a me problem not a him problem? How rude...

The other thing he said this morning when I told him about the dream?

"You'll at least get a blog out of it."