Sobriety...

Okay, so I posted about not drinking since July of 2023 which has been relatively easy. I mean, I've been tempted lately but that's only because the world is a shit show but I know that the hot flashes and headaches will only make the shit show even shittier so I've refrained.

Interesting though, at least to me, when I went looking for the blog post about starting that Dry July that never ended I saw that I had done a month of not using Facebook that July as well. Went dry in two ways. I wrote at the end of that month that not drinking had been a lot easier than not using Facebook and that I was going back to Facebook, but I was still struggling with it. And I did continue to struggle with my decision. Until I decided it was time to just stop using the app, and Instagram, and Messenger.

The RedPilling of Zuck and accompanying changes he made to the sites was gross. Though now that I've read Careless People I realize I should have left ages ago. Not good people. I would say not just careless, but awful people.

So now I'm also around 3 1/2 months totally removed from Facebook and Instagram. I had stopped posting new things in December but I didn't completely drop the apps until January 12. I've talked about it here before, it's hard to be so out of the loop with people. I built friendships there over many many years. Just being able to login and see what people did for their weekend was lovely. But...the rest of it was not.

But he made an addictive product for sure. A lot of was designed to be that addictive. Sort of like food science and adding sugar and salt to hook you to their products. Facebook and Instagram were the cookies and potato chips of life. Or something like that. Maybe like cigarettes. You know they are bad for you and are raising your blood pressure and yet...

And it does remind me of cigarettes right now. Quitting smoking was not that hard for me once I decided to do it. Everyone is always amazed that I quit while Brent was still smoking. There was a carton of cigarettes in the house. There was someone around me who was still smoking. But I had decided to stop, and so I did. Easy.

But addictions are funny things. When I went back to school the first day when I got out of my first class I patted my bookbag a few times as I was headed to my next one. I felt around inside it for a few minutes until I realized I was looking for cigarettes. I hadn't had a cigarette in over a year by that point but I had also smoked all through high school so my habit was get out of class, smoke a cigarette on the way to the next one. College triggered that.

Three years later I got into a huge argument with my boss. Brent had been out to sea and was pulling in on Wednesday. It was Thanksgiving week so I was taking off that Wednesday and then the long weekend. John told me he had changed his mind and I had to work. I had gotten the time off approved weeks before. As soon as the ship set the return date. Brent had been gone for six months. There was no way I was working. John didn't even need me to work, I was a bookkeeper, there was nothing that couldn't be done the following Monday. He just wanted to be an asshole and flex his power. It was quite the heated exchange.

When I hung up the phone (he rarely came into the warehouse, almost all of my interactions with him were over the phone) I started going through my desk drawers looking for something. Cigarettes. I was looking for cigarettes. I had never smoked at that job, hell I had quit before we ever moved to that city, but just like the passing period in school triggered the habit, being incredibly mad and needing a time out triggered the desire for a cigarette.

Right now the world is frustrating me. My country's decline. Our personal situation with Brent's job. Health stuff. Everything adds up. And so right now I miss Facebook. I miss being able to log on there and interact with people about nonsense. To just spend a large chunk of time stalking someone's vacation pictures (thank you, Raquel, for still sending me yours when you travel!) or home renovations.

Addictions are funny things. I know that logging back on to Facebook (if it were even still an option since I deleted my accounts) would actually lend itself to more frustration as I read everything my feed would throw at me. The nonsense and horrible takes and MAGAt icks. But there is still part of me jonesing for a fix.

But I'll hold on to my Meta Sobriety and tell myself all the things I need to to remember that it wasn't all sunshine and roses and fun vacation pictures. And go find a book to read, or color, whatever I need to distract my head...

And cookies.
I'll have some cookies.