Stuff...

Thinking about what I wrote about buying puzzles that I might never do. One of the quirks I have is that often the having of the thing is more important than the using of the thing.

Like I have a lot of boxes of crayons. New beautiful tips. The other day I was in Office Depot to pick up something else and there were new colors of crayons on display. It was all I could do not to buy them. I like to color. But I haven't in ages (the whole pick the book, fight with the cats for the crayons which they both like to bite, clean the mess, on and on thing as well as I got a little bent out of shape when it became a "thing" that adults colored. They had to wrap it in mental health or meditation instead of just saying that coloring is fun and we all didn't have to give it up as we got older.) ANYWAY... (yes, the ADD is still ADDing)

Anyway, there were boxes of new colors and I almost bought them. Because just having them makes me happy. I was not the kid that got a new box of 64 for school. I used what I had the year before until there was nothing left. Then I could get new and start again. But the 24 was plenty of choice, do you really need green blue and blue green? I think not. Now there are boxes of 128 and I have at least two!

Hardcover books were like that for a long time. Being able to buy the hardcover as soon as it was released was a big deal. Growing up, books only came from the library or Don's Paperback Book Exchange. New hardcovers were completely out of the question. So being able to afford a new hardcover? Wow. What a moment.

Back in the before times, VCR recordings and DVDs were like that. CDs too for a bit. Just having them even if I never watched the movie or listened to the music. It was a thing that I had. That I could look at and say, that's mine.

Now my books, movies and music are all digital. Except for graphic novels, I don't find the comix programs to be as beautiful as the printed page so those are still book books. And I tend to reread them more. Though I'm trying to decide if I will ever be able to reread Sandman without disgust.... ANYWAY...

My parents were basically hoarders. They were Depression Era kids who could not bring themselves to throw stuff away. And my mom was a collector. And everything was going to be worth something someday. Whatever little figurine or glass piece or jewelry collection she was currently buying, it was all an investment. Because they were numbered and part of some sort of thing that QVC told her was important. My chores growing up included cleaning the house. Do you know how hard it is to dust when the shelves are COVERED in knick knacks?

Too much stuff makes me feel a little overwhelmed.

But I still want all of the crayons. And that new Maleficent figurine. And the latest compendium from Saga. And...

It's a constant balance between having, using, dusting, justifying to Brent why I need more of this thing that I never use but want anyway because just knowing I can have it soothes something in my 10 year self, and tossing things out because I have too much stuff and it's all getting a little out of control.

It's tough. We are who we are because of how we grew up. In spite of or because of. I fight that hoarder gene, but I know it's still there. And because I fight it so hard sometimes I don't buy something decorative because the idea of finding a space for it, and having to dust it, becomes too much. Katie decorates in a more maximalist style because she grew up in a house that was minimalist to the point of almost feeling sterile to her. We are all products of our upbringing one way or the other. Even in something that seems small, like how much stuff we want or need in our lives.

But I still might go back and buy those crayons. I mean who doesn't need "NEW BRIGHTS!" They're new. And they're bright. Come on, how am I supposed to resist that??