Superpowers...

fiction

She was trying very hard not to lose her shit. She knew it wouldn't be fair to the two people in front of her in line, they weren't really the problem. Okay, they were part of the problem, but they were just the latest manifestation of the problem.

"I can drink anything, that's my superpower."

That's what he had said when the woman he was with asked him what kind of coffee he wanted. I have no personal preferences, I'm an empty suit, I'm a hollow core, that's my superpower.

"I can tell the difference between all the colas. That's mine."

Seriously? Her superpower is that if someone gives her a Pepsi when she asked for a Diet Pepsi she can tell the difference? We can ALL tell the difference. That's why there are different types of cokes. For fuck's sake.

But it wasn't just these two idiots with their lame "superpowers ."

One time she overheard a man tell a woman, "I can sleep anywhere, that's my superpower."

Extreme sloth? That's your superpower? And did you expect that to impress her? I mean, Hey, baby, I'm really lazy. Yeah, that's a turn on for sure.

"I'm left handed, that's my superpower."

What? That's not a superpower. That's actually a genetic anomaly. Most people are right handed. It's not a superpower, it's a glitch.

There was a commercial out a few years ago where someone would call someone else a rockstar, like in a business meeting, and then an ACTUAL rockstar would crash the meeting and tell them to knock it off. She had loved that commercial. You aren't rockstars. You're accountants. Stop it.

"I can walk on the beach without getting a foot cramp, that's my superpower."

"I can speak Mandarin and zero Chinese people understand what I'm saying. That's my superpower."

"I can tie my own shoes, that's my superpower."

"I can breathe without having to remind myself to exhale, that's my superpower."

Okay, maybe she was exaggerating, but not by much. She was just over it.

The barista put their coffees on the counter and Mr. Super Drinker picked up their order. While he was staring at the cup the coffee inside started to boil.

"What the fuck?"

"Heat vision. That's my superpower. One of them." She grabbed her own coffee, made sure the lid was on tight and lifted off.

Heat vision, flying, super speed, super hearing, super vision and she could actually speak Mandarin. Those were some of her superpowers.

Idiots.