That's the Difference...

When I was a teenager our high school got a recognition from The White House for our diversity. Yes, diversity was a good thing. Under the Reagan administration. Which was at one point in time the pinnacle of republicanhood. Man, it was a simpler world back then. (It wasn't, the Reagan administration and Movement Conservatism were already hard at work starting that boulder rolling downhill to crash our democracy, but I digress...)

Anyway...we were proud of the recognition. Or at least the school administration was. The students pretty soundly mocked it. Because we are Gen X and mocking is what we do. Even back then, or maybe especially back then.

But one of our year books even has as our "theme" Our Differences Make the Difference. Which actually is much more accurate than something like "Highland, the Melting Pot."

Because we did have a really diverse student body. Economically and racially. But it wasn't a big United Colors of Benetton ad. Even if the rich kids did wear Benetton... It was a here at this doorway is the Chicano Student Alliance. And this is the Black Student Union staircase. And this is prep hall. And out here is ROTC breezeway. And the Vietnamese kids are around front at that entryway. We were diverse, but we were different.

There was a bit more mixing in classrooms and in some after school activities. But even the extra curriculars were kind of walled off. The football jocks and the soccer jocks. Two different groups. The choir kids, the band kids and the drama kids, all performing arts kids but very different groups. Though some of us did wander a bit from group to group because we didn't really fit in one space. Or the boys in choir were really cute so...but to be fair Brent was a drama and choir kid.

But our differences were still differences. And it was good to be exposed to them. To learn about different cultures and ways of being. To see either a better standard of living to know it was out there, or to see kids who were worse off than you were and hopefully gain some compassion for people who don't have the privileges that you have. To hear stories from the Vietnamese kids who were evacuated with their parents at the end of the war and how they had to start all over with nothing but the clothes on their backs. That exposure was good because you could understand that your point of view was not the only point of view.

That's what diversity is supposed to provide.

It's why the DEI programs were good things. Any boardroom that needs to make big decisions benefits from multiple points of view. Different life experiences are important.

Now this is the place where I'm supposed to say the very comforting; we are all more alike than we are different. It's one of those things people say that is supposed to be profound in a way. It's supposed to make you see that other people are really just like you so can't we all just get along? Heck, I've probably written a handful of blogs on this same theme. That we are all more alike than we aren't.

But now it's something that gets an "okay" from me when someone says it. Isn't okay just a great word? There are a handful of words that mean totally different things depending on tone, and okay is one of those. Enthusiasm, resignation, fuck off, and the tone I use when someone says "we are all more alike than not" the so what or yes and your point tone.

We are more alike than we are different. So what? What do you want me to do with that? We might all be 80% alike and you have to agree that's a lot alike. We all want our families to be safe. We want to be secure in ourselves. We want to be comfortable, as in enough to eat and a place of our own. We want to be valued for what we do and what we contribute. Okay. So what? Is that enough?

We share 98.7% of our DNA with bonobos. Are you a bonobo or is that 1.3% difference pretty fucking important?

I'm going with I'm not a bonobo so pretty important.

And if I have 80% or even 90% in common with someone but that 10-20% is you think trans people shouldn't exist. You don't think women should be allowed to make their own medical choices. You don't agree in marriage equality. You think it's okay to cut medical funding. You think that colleges should only teach what the Heritage Foundation agrees with. You think that immigrants are vermin. Well those are pretty important differences.

Our differences make the difference.

Not according to the current administration, of course. They want a country that is filled with people who all look alike, who all think alike, who worship the same god. Or at least pretend to. And if you don't fit that mold then you are free to either leave, hide, or understand that your place on the social ladder is as the mat it's standing on.

It's comforting to just think everyone is mostly alike. But it's also not helpful. We don't need to focus on the ways we are alike. That way lies death for those who are in that 10-20%. I'm not exaggerating. If you can other someone enough you can kill them without care. You can blow a boat out of international waters and say "drugs!" and post the snuff film on social media and dare people to question you.

Our differences make the difference.

Hold on to the parts of you that make you you. The parts of you that are compassionate for others who don't look, sound, worship, have as much money, as you. Those differences are important as well. Honor them. Don't buy into the comforting lie that since we are all mostly alike we should all want the same things and isn't all of this other stuff silly to focus on?

Just tell the people who say such things "okay" and keep doing what you need to. Keep focusing on the changes that need to be made so we can honor our differences without abandoning our humanity.

Okay? Okay.

You can even roll your eyes a little. Gen X style.