The Void...

Not being on Facebook and sending out these posts via mail is sort of like shouting into the void. I told Brent on Friday that it was weird. I mean I can see that people are receiving the posts, which is better than when I was on Facebook and I would get the depressing notice of 'you reached 5 feeds with this post, if you want to reach more pay us!" Even though I had more than that many people who had liked and followed the page. And of course I would get my three likes and a comment or two. And every once in awhile I would see the repost of my blog on someone else's page.

But now I have no idea if people are really reading anything or just rolling their eyes when this hits their inboxes and thinking..."Ugh this bitch again, I wonder if she would notice if I unsubscribed?"

Yesterday's post actually got comments. Oh thank fuck. You are out there. Don't ever feel weird posting nothing but a quick thumbs up (thank you, Susan) just to let me know you've read the post. It really is my little hit of joy. And it's my moment of relief that I'm not bothering you.

I mean I might still be bothering you. A lot of times what I write isn't comforting, but I mean I'm not bugging you.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Pay attention to me!

It's hard not to feel a little insecure when you write. You are creating something, either a fictional world, or a piece that is your thoughts on an issue and sending it out into the wide world. Once that happens you wait to see if you are alone in your thoughts or if someone agrees or disagrees or just interacts in some way.

And this new way of posting makes those insecurities flair for sure.

Because I'm sending it out there. It's free. And you are reading it. Or not. I know that I read some of my newsletters daily and some of them every once in awhile and some of them I just need to unsubscribe to because I NEVER read them. I just hope I'm not in your never column.

And yes, I get that this sounds very needy and very "like me, please like me." But it's honest. When I would post on Facebook (especially with fiction) I would almost obsessively check my Totally Random page until I got a little red notification mark. Whew...someone read it.

Leaving Facebook and changing the way I post things has been an adjustment. And part of that is not getting that little hit of "whew, someone read what I wrote."

Now I just have to decide how important that is to me.

Honestly, I think it's important, but it's not why I write. I write to process things. And to quiet the voices in my head. So I'll keep sending these out there. And if you comment, or post a thumbs up, I will get a hit of happy. And if you unsubscribe I'll understand that as well.

Eventually.