Ugh...

In a week the office of President of the United States will be held by a convicted felon and someone who a jury of their peers said you have to stop saying that E Jean Carroll is a liar when she says you assaulted her, because you did. The reason why the verdict came as sexual assault instead of rape is because the state of New York has a backward ass rape law that says no penis penetration, no rape. So sexual assault. But the judge made clear that the typical person would describe what happened as rape.

Today the Senate held confirmation hearings for a nominee who paid someone off who accused him of sexual assault. And when the Democrats were deciding their talking points for questions they decided that they needed to lean more into the drinking on the job and over all not being qualified and away from the rape/assault charges so that Republicans could find some reason not to vote for him. Because the assault wasn't it. Which, makes sense, considering the whole they voted for president someone who was found to have sexually assaulted E Jean Carroll. Clearly not disqualifying.

When Roe v. Wade was overturned one of the male conservative talking heads posted "Your body my choice forever" and that really is the mindset. One of the things called out on the Meta speech changes was that you can now call women objects to be owned and that's cool.

And as much as I'd love this to be a oh those conservatives! post it's not. The Gaiman accusations found a mainstream media release this week. I wrote about my feelings when the original story hit. (Here if you want to see what I thought then) The new article did more digging and there are a lot more details out now. And it's...

Well it's not good.

It's pretty horrific honestly.

And he released a blog post today to reiterate that the relationships were consensual. I talked about the problems with that in my other post but I want to talk about one other piece here. He also wanted to make clear (in earlier statements) that BDSM is legal. And he's right it is. But if you are going to participate in BDSM you HAVE to have really clear boundaries and communication. Everything you do has to have consent. Extra consent. This isn't just yes, I agreed to have sex with you. Agreeing to the extras has to happen. Clear boundaries around it has to happen. You have to really know what you are doing is okay with all parties involved before you start.

I know a bit about the BDSM community because I had a friend who was a Dom. They aren't in the community anymore because they got married and their spouse was not in to it. And because they weren't in to it, there was no more BDSM play. Because you have to have consent from all parties involved and it has to be SOLID consent. Now the reason why I know all of that, and know a bit more about BDSM and being a Dom is because communication is key in that community so they weren't at all shy about telling me about it and answering my questions. (50 Shades of Grey had come out and they HATED the book and the depiction and as someone who didn't know why I had questions)

So yeah, he might have had consent for sex (which, again, I have issue with) but did he have consent for the degradation or the anal or the domination play? Those are all extra consent levels. AND consent can be withdrawn at any time. No matter the relationship, no matter how hot and bothered they are, no matter what; if someone says no that's it then it stops. Consent isn't a one time thing.

So here I am today. The future president of my country is a rapist. (I'm the typical person and the judge said I'd think it was rape, he was right). The nominee for Secretary of Defense paid off someone who accused him of assault. The free speech guidelines say it's cool if you refer to me as property. I don't have medical control over my own body. An artist that I really enjoyed who played the character of Neil Gaiman, feminist author and all around decent human, is clearly not that character and is most likely a serial sexual assaulter/rapist.

Fuck.

This is the most disgusting timeline. They are working on taking away your consent being a consideration at all. It wasn't that long ago that it was legal to rape your wife. The final repeal of the marriage carve out for rape didn't happen until 1993. My child was a year old in 1993. This isn't ancient history. And as it's perfectly clear that a lot of men have a problem with consent we should all be a little worried about heading back there.

No body autonomy at all. Not just medical, but physical as well.

Gaiman isn't a good guy. How you interact with his art going forward is a call you will have to make. But understand who he is. Hegseth isn't a good guy. Aside from being wholly unqualified for the position he was nominated to hold he paid someone off who accused him of assault. Trump was found liable by a jury of his peers for the sexual assault (typical person would say rape) of E. Jean Carroll. He is not a good guy.

Keep your head on a swivel. Keep your guard up. Stay safe and don't let them convince you that votes, or book sales equate to innocence.