Bad Mood...

I'm in a bad mood. It's been building for a few days. Finally gave in to it yesterday and just admitted I was in a foul mood. Figured that it would lift by today once it was acknowledged. Don't we all just want to be seen after all?

But no.

I'm still in a bad mood.

I don't know why. If I knew why I'd fix it but I don't know why. I think it's a lot of things. I think it's just being tired of the world being the way it is. I think it's part existential crisis and part frustration. But I don't know for sure.

The existential crisis part is that I'm not sure I'm able to be optimistic anymore. And my normal setting is that I am optimistic by nature. I'm a happy person. I'm a positive person. I'm an if your glass is half full and you want more then pour! Or at least I used to be. I'm just not sure I am anymore. And I'm not sure I can get back there. And that bothers me.

Take the Orban election for example. As Brent and I constantly stress to people if the choice is between evil and lesser evil ALWAYS FUCKING choose lesser evil. But.. The guy that beat Orban was part of his government up until two years ago. He resigned and joined the opposition party when there was blowback from a coverup around child abuse. (Does any of that sound familiar?) He says he's center right but he was okay with everything Orban was doing up until that point and it's not like Orban became an autocrat in just the last two years.

It would be like if Thomas Massie became president in 2028. Yeah, he's not Trump but he's also not great.

I worry that Maygar isn't really all that much of a change. That people are celebrating too soon. And that because he is lesser evil that people will accept that moved Overton Window and accept atrocities that they would have recognized as such if Orban hadn't been so much worse.

And I feel like I need to be quiet about it and let people have "nice things" instead of screaming BUT WAIT!

And so much of the world is like that now. Okay, today the Strait of Hormuz is open, but it was open before Trump's war so what did we gain? And why should we be celebrating? And sure he's getting push back on the war and price increases but that just means Republicans are doubling down on culture wars so we are entering an even more vile anti-Islamic and anti-LGBTQ era. And yeah, midterms are this year but how much stock should we really be putting into them changing things? And how bad is this summer going to be as they panic push their entire agenda into the next 6 months?

I'm just not sure I can find my optimism anymore. And it pisses me off.

No matter how much we all are trying to protect ourselves during this administration it's impossible to fully do it.

And because I'm full up on bullshit I find myself getting mad at small things that don't really matter. Or getting frustrated with things that I know I can't change but feel like it would be great if I could. Or being hard on myself about things that aren't really issues but feel like they are issues right now because every fucking thing is an issue.

So there you have it. I'm just in a bad mood right now.

I've acknowledged it.
I've written about it.
Now I'd like to let go of it.

Wish me luck.
Wish all of us luck.