It's All Gender...

Second post inspired by Joe's radio show!

Also...if any of you are interested, it's late night radio, a lot of 70s rock, but also mixes of other time periods and styles. He mixes that with quotes from movies, or TV shows, or other famous bits of dialog. They are fun, each about an hour long which makes them perfect first thing in the morning start my day length. Not all of the music is always my to my taste, like I could live my whole life never hearing prog rock, but I've gotten to hear a lot of things that I've enjoyed that I wouldn't have otherwise. It really is just like when you'd listen to the radio as a kid. You didn't know what was coming next. If you want to sign up let me know and send me your email. I'll pass it along to him and he'll grant you access to the server.

And on the hearing things I wouldn't have otherwise...

Last week listening to shows there were a couple of times where the song I was familiar with, but as a remake, and he played the original. And they hit very differently because there was a gender flip in the singer.

When I was younger my dad would sing Poor Poor Pitiful Me when he would tease me about boys. I was, and this sounds very vain but it still is true, a cutie. I didn't realize I was a cutie. In fact I thought that if someone was complimenting my looks they were either fucking with me or wanted something from me and were using false flattery. But looking back I can see it now, I was an actual cutie. If I had realized it at the time I would have harnessed my powers for evil and taken over the world...alas I did not. But anyway...when we would be out places and boys would flirt with me and I would roll my eyes or just walk away, my dad would sing Poor Poor Pitiful Me. It always made me laugh and on more than one occasion say in my most teenage exasperated voice, "It's true they won't!"

This week I heard the original by Warren Zevon and it has a bit of different feel to it than the one by Linda Ronstadt. When Linda sings "all these boys won't let me be" it's funny but when Warren sings, "all these little girls won't let me be" it's creepy. Is it just the addition of the word little? Maybe... When Linda sings "he was a credit to his gender" it has a different feel than when Warren does. Sexist? Sure. But still it's there.

The other one was Fire. The version I grew up with was the Pointer Sisters, the original is Bruce Springsteen. The Pointer Sisters is all about sexual expectations of my generation. My words say split, I say I don't want you, but I do. And yes, it's super problematic now, but it was expected then. You weren't allowed to be sexual, to admit you liked sex, that you wanted sex. That wasn't a thing for good girls, so you said no, and it meant maybe. And I KNOW no means no. But at the time you had to listen to what kind of no it was and...let's just be glad we are past that okay?

BUT...the Springsteen original is from his point of view and he's saying the same thing, you say no, you say split, but I know you're a liar..and it just hits a lot differently. She's teasing, he's a date rapist. I KNOW. I know I just said that it was a thing, but it still hits a lot differently now than the Pointer Sisters one does.

It's sexist. I get it. But man are those songs creepy coming out with a man's voice rather than a woman's.

And it's a whole thing still. Gender makes a difference in how we treat things. Years ago a friend was telling a story about how he lost his virginity. His older sister was having a sleepover. One of her friends kept passing him the booze that they were sneaking. Just enough to get him a little tipsy. Later after everyone had gone to bed she snuck into his room and started fooling around with him to wake him up. When he said he didn't think she should be there she put her hand over his mouth and told him to shush, that he would like it. And then she had sex with him. She was 16. He was 12.

The men in our group were like, "Hell yeah, you did!" and basically doing the "Get it!" high fives. I was horrified. Like my face did that my face thing. He asked what was wrong and I said, "She raped you. Your first experience was a rape." He argued with me and I told him "if I had told you that story, a friend of my older brother plied me with booze all night then snuck into my room after everyone was asleep and started fondling me until I woke up, and then when I protested put his hand over my mouth and told me to just enjoy it, you would get that it was rape right?" And his response? "Well you're a girl."

Dude...

We don't take sexual assault on boys by older girls, or women as seriously as we do if the genders are flipped. We think that teenage boy is "lucky" his teacher wants to sleep with him. We don't think it's possible for men to be raped at all because how could he have gotten the erection not even listening to how that's the same you can't get pregnant from an actual rape bullshit.

And I know, this is a bigger more serious topic than a couple of songs, but it all dovetailed in my head. Like why is it worse or better when a man or a woman sings it? Why is that sexism still there even though I've tried my whole life to unravel it? Will I ever be able to listen to Fire by the Pointer Sisters without feeling a little creepy?

And I don't have answers. I do know we need to protect our kids more than we do, no matter their gender. We need to listen to men when they say they've been victimized instead of patting them on the back and telling them how hot their story is.

(awkward attempt to lighten it back up)

Music shifts depending on who is singing. Depending on how it's sung. Those of you that have been around for awhile know I love a pop song switched up and done in a minor key or as a hard rock version. It all changes the feel. There is a huge difference between Taylor Swift singing Blank Space and I Prevail singing it. (true confessions, I like I Prevail better, just exactly BECAUSE it makes it creepier)

OH! And one more gender flipped song...the original Family Man by Mike Oldfield with Maggie Reilly singing sucks just as much as the Hall and Oates version, just in a different way. Like, how could they hear it and think, oh yeah, we need to do that song. It was a gateway song to the drek that is Maneater and Adult Education...

I have opinions.