Old Jokes...

It started as a joke and sort of became a life framing moment.

In spite of, or because of?

Brent and I used it as a joke about "I love you." There were things that you love someone because of and things you love someone in spite of. Sometimes the things you think are an in spite of are a because of, and vice versa, but still.

But after it started as a joke it became sort of whole life philosophy. Especially when we became parents. A lot of our parenting choices were in spite of, and a few because of. We decided to do things a little differently with Katie than our parents had done with us. Except for the things that we did exactly the same. And even sometimes on purpose...

Nineteen years ago today Brent's father woke up to the first day of the last year of his life. He had no idea that it was the last year, of course. I mean he was only 57, why in the world would he think he was nearing the end? I wonder if he had known what would he have done differently?

By my age my father had already had his first major heart attack and one smaller one. In another decade he would have quadruple bypass surgery. His arteries were so blocked that his body had already started its own bypass building new channels for blood to get to his heart. The human body is amazing, honestly.

I've talked before about the decisions we make and why. And that I know for me, and I would suspect for Brent, that family history is a piece of why his retiring now seems like a good idea.

What would Jack have done differently if he had known?

And since none of us know when we will breathe our last shouldn't we live every day like that? Because of.

But of course holding that thought in your head all the time is really depressing for a lot of people so maybe in spite of.

Brent and I have made choices around our own health because of our family histories. I'm trying to lower my cholesterol right now. Brent and I both lift weights and do cardio to try and make sure our hearts are as strong as they can be. Brent successfully lowered his sugar levels from prediabetes to normal ranges. We are trying to make sure that our family history is just that, family history not personal history.

But still...even doing what we can we wonder if it's enough or if it even matters. Will we live long lives because of what we are doing or in spite of our family histories? Or, of course the reverse of that.

And then sometimes you just never know how it's going to play out. My father was the oldest male member of his family, ever. Once he hit his mid 60s he was well past the rest. A lot of that was Mom making him change his habits and diet. And probably a lot was just better overall medical care. But my oldest brother is now older than the men that came before Dad and past the age where Dad had his surgery and he didn't do any of that. My sister told me he's not doing well right now and my only response to that was "that's too bad but not surprising" I mean, it's not. Because of his choices, choices he made in spite of his family history his health has always been terrible.

So we don't know what the future will bring. We don't know how it will play out. Will we get past the far edge of our ancestors or be the continuation of much too young?

In spite of or because of?

All I know is that we plan on living long and healthy lives and enjoying each other's company the whole time. That way no matter what happens we will know that we made the best choices for us. Because we want to be happy together for as long as we can in spite of not having any real clue how long that will be.

Memento Mori.